Why was that?
Cultivating Loving Awareness
When the power-sharing begins and undisciplined couples begin to bruise each other, then the the negative feelings accumulate. Blaming and shaming erodes the relationship. Listen to how our English syntax implies irresponsibility. In the west about half of marriages will end in divorce. Many couples stay together for the children. That means that only a minority of couples are keeping passion alive over the years.
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Consider that it would be better to continually cultivate loving emotions. And what are emotions? The emotion of love involves the release of oxytocin, vasopressin and dopamine neurohormones. Neuroscientists have mapped out which parts of the brain are involved. The reason to get this geeky is that it gives us a model about what we need to do.
Think of it this way. You have a garden down in your unconscious. Most of your emotions grow from this garden. Your partner has one as well. If you want a bountiful crop of oxytocin then you will need to fertilize and irrigate both gardens. You need to feed it experiences that evoke feelings of closeness and human warmth. These experiences may involve physical or sexual touch but most adults need more of a mental kind of touch. Curiosity is probably the most undervalued resource in a relationship. You also have to protect it. Weeds and pests need to be kept out. When that happens we start to be governed by our safety seeking unconscious.
Our defensive system takes over.
We become a safe routine robot and numb out. Passive inhibition has completely covered the garden.
Affairs are likely to start before this point because it feels as if oxygen and life is flowing back into the person. Partners who do this have better relationships. Note to educators: Hope required when growing roses in concrete. Harvard Educational Review, 79 2 , 9.
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Love and knowledge: Emotion in feminist epistemology. Inquiry: An Interdisciplinary Journal of Philosophy, 32 2 , — Jordan, J. Some of us did not die: New and selected essays. Lara, I. Lawrence-Lightfoot, S. The art and science of portraiture. San Francisco, CA: Wiley.
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Mate, G. When the body says no: Exploring the stress-disease connection. Hoboken, NJ: Wiley. Morrell, E. Critical literacy and urban youth: Pedagogies of access, dissent, and liberation pp. Saldana, J. The coding manual for qualitative researchers 2nd ed. Similar to Creative Mind Living. He brings his respected insight, wisdom, leadership, and storytelling abilities to this podcast to share with you information, tips, life-hacks, and entertaining and heart-warming stories with the goal of helping A weekly weight loss podcast, Half Size Me is your counterculture alternative to the weight loss establishment!
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Cultivating Real Love | Psychology Today
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